Six Year Old Sweetheart

Today my firstborn bub is officially six years old. And this just seems like a gigantic, unbelievable number to me right now. Like, how and when did six years go by? How did you go from this

to this

and this preciousness

to this sweet little lady

and into such a loving big sister

and now such a grown up little girl!

You have been through SO much more than any other 6 year old 

and somehow you still do it all with a smile. You are special, indeed,

Avery-- my love. A hundred million birthday wishes and kisses to you!

Mommy and Daddy love you to the moon and back, and then some. 

Life in quick pics 3

I am a little sad to say that I barely pick up my real camera anymore. It's 99% cellphone quick pics now! And it's been like 8 months since I posted them so I've got some good ones...

             First donuts!!               Balcony of Ritz in Tucson, AZ

This was about 1/4 of the Ritz's Mother's Day breakfast spread.

It was AMAHZING.

Lovin the swing ride at Greek Festival    At library reading with the big bear!  

The Bubs escape to Top Golf for a date!!  Created a birthday bouquet for Nana :)

       Happy swimmy girl       Fun at Skylar's 2nd birthday!

                              Giggling on her tummy     Balloons in her room on bday morning   

 This girl loves her silly hats.......and accessories!

 Avery's signature pony tail      "Look dolly, it's rainin!"

So excited I was able to replicate Maddie's branch in the new house

 Dressup fairy              Early morning Avery

Enjoys Michael's even more than me!  Decorated hearth 2013

Playing at the library with her sweet friend Samuel

Lucky girl's teachers braid her hair  Gingerbread cookie batch #1

Gingerbread batch #2                What cookie?

 Swing set "before" photo                 ROAR!!!!!               

 Loves ridin' grocery store cars!!   Made a new Valentine's banner             

Next week I am continuing my new house reveal series.... can't wait to share the new living and dining areas. Stay tuned :)

You know what truly helps?

That in t-minus 8.5 weeks, I am going to be sitting right here on this swing, gazing into that forever blue with the people I love most in the world.

Will hopefully be able to take a little snooze in this wonderful hammock...

And most definitely walk along this beach a couple 20 times.

Can. not. wait.

Let It Go

I am in a funk. I am stressed about Avery's health, overtired, under motivated, and worried for the future. We have six doctor's appointments set up for Avery this month. And one down. On Monday I made the genius decision of taking Maddie with me to Avery's appointment in the med center. We left at 9:30am, arrived at 10:03am and sat in the waiting room for one hour and two minutes. With a 5 year old and a 2 year old who is like the energizer bunny, no joke. We were then led to a tiny exam room where we waited... for 45 minutes... for a RESIDENT to come talk to us. One more resident after that and we finally got to see the doctor we came for--- a full two hours after we arrived. After maybe 15 minutes of talking, they let me know that Avery would need to go downstairs and get blood drawn. Perfect ending. 

"Can we leave this little room now?" asked my 2 year old as I was packing our things up. YES HALLELUJAH I had to keep myself from shouting. Four elevator rides, two blood labs, and one screaming tantrum (NOT from the child getting blood drawn fyi) later, we left for and arrived back home at 2pm. Seriously, I wanted to go hide in my bed for a week. I still do. 

Unfortunately, that is not a mom option. Because these precious little things need me. And no matter how much I just want to go run to MY mom, I will stay and hold them and tell them EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK because that is what they deserve. But letting go of Avery's health stuff is the hardest, hardest thing. I know I cannot control it, I know it does little to dwell on it, but it's my baby. My baby of which I was reminded again at aforementioned appointment, by ridiculously late doctor, that "we didn't think she'd make it." I know she was actually trying to be upbeat, referring to how well Avery has done considering where she started. I don't want to hear it though. I spend enough of my nights reliving every painful moment from the beginning of this journey. I don't want to think about the alternative either. I have so much fear of the (albeit slow) positive progresses she's made for the past 5 years suddenly coming to a end. This past month has not alleviated those fears.

Let it go, let it go.... I'll continue to repeat it. I want to be in the moment with these little loves, not anxiety ridden, worried and run down! I hate how this condition has robbed us of so much peace. 

I think I need to get some sleep. But first post a photo that makes me happy. 
Me and my girls.